I have demons in me.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She needs sedatives and a leash
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
