hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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