I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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