i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
