forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
