its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
