i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
