Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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