This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
