Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
