My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
