i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
