I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
