She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Green mimosas i think yes
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
