We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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