Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
