insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
