***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she looked like the before picture.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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