carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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