i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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