have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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