It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
