Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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