she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
