he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
