shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
