Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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