Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
