i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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