How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
