her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
