my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Congratulations! We have a period
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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