Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
