I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
