gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
