My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
