So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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