If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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