mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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