East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
