I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Nicole vs. Life
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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