i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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