Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
