Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
