Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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