I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
