I want to have your abortion
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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