I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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