Joe is yelling at the trees again.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
