The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
