Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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