I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
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I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
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All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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