Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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