we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
