there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
