He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
