you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
