i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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