I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
