i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
