I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
