Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
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