And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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