she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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