; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
