And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
