I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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