I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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