I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
