i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
