I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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