I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
